“Happy Memorial Day from your friends at B&J Refrigeration” – that was the email sitting in my inbox this morning, the sender was the retailer that installed and services our furnace and air conditioning units. And while I appreciate the fact these folks acknowledge the holiday, the word “Happy” has absolutely nothing to do with the day.
To be fair, the message in the email was appropriate – “Remember and honor the brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom” as was the graphic used in the email – five red poppies flanked by American Flags on either side.
The red poppy became a symbol of remembrance for fallen soldiers because of the battlefields of World War I. After the horrific fighting, bright red poppies were among the first flowers to grow on shell-torn fields in the Flanders region of Belgium and northern France. And today, the image of delicate red flowers growing amid destruction became a powerful metaphor for sacrifice, memory, and renewal.
From a historical perspective the tradition of honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice began shortly after the Civil War, when whole communities would decorate the graves of fallen soldiers with American flags and wreaths to honor those who did not return home. In 1868, General John A. Logan formally established “Decoration Day,” which eventually evolved into what it is today, Memorial Day, a national holiday intended to remind us that the freedoms we enjoy were preserved at an extraordinary human cost.
Meanwhile, Memorial Day weekend became the unofficial start of summer in American culture decades ago, and retailers will tell us they’re responding to established consumer behavior. They contend their ads are not intended as disrespectful, and their red, white and blue promotions are just part of the broader holiday weekend economy. Perhaps, but intent and effect are not the same thing.
Most people who say “Happy Memorial Day” mean well — they’re expressing goodwill, not disrespect. But at the same time, Memorial Day is deeply personal for those of us who returned home from war because behind every name etched on a Wall or every folded flag presented to a grieving family is a son, daughter, spouse, friend, or parent.
Whenever I hear “thank you for your service” on the last Monday in May, a part of me wants to say: don’t thank me — thank and remember the guys who fell ‘over there’ – wherever over there was. And to be very, very clear, Memorial Day is not about veterans, it’s about the fallen — those who never made it home. That distinction is important. We veterans have our day, and it occurs once a year on November 11th
The holiday was never intended to be festive. And even greeting someone and saying nothing holiday-specific is perfectly fine. A warm “Good to see you” or “Hope you’re doing well” is more natural than trying to force a “happy” greeting onto a solemn holiday. And for veterans or military families specifically, a quiet acknowledgment of the day and its meaning will be greatly appreciated.
I’ll close this post by wishing you a meaningful Memorial Day…and God bless you Al, Kiki, Bob and Sgt Kalka.